Jack, I like this. It has that somewhat 'dreamy' quality that we can get with the soft bokeh from these Heligon type lenses. I like the muted colours.
A long time ago on an old version of Nikonger, a practitioner (name now forgotten) of Rodenstockography (as I sometimes call it) mentioned that having a small sharp area in such a photograph really "brought it home" and made it interesting and not just a blurry take on some subject. Do you agree with that opinion? You do have that area of sharpness in the central area of this photo (which is fairly easily attained with f/1.6 but often much harder to attain with some of the faster .75 Heligons). I think our inner photo eye looks for and wants to find that area of sharpness.
Of course I'm always recommending compositional changes. For this photo I'd probably crop in a bit to emphasize the sharp area and keep the photo elements from appearing too random. You have some competing diagonals and curves in this composition. Also the eye goes first to bright areas and here the bright areas are not the sharp areas, but the bright areas are very close to the sharp areas and distract from them a bit. So think about bright background bits with such a photo and decide if they are well-placed compositionally.
Hope this might be useful.
And interested to know what you are thinking about it.
